(okay..scratch that...first red flag....meeting a guy on a psychotic unit!?)
i was half way through orientation when the "do not enter" doors swung open..in slow motion...with a slight breeze...possibly there were fireworks and sparkles...and in walked this
so, maybe not literally this guy ^...but this is the image that my brain registered....and i liked it.
fast forward one week...
it was another lovely afternoon on the psychotic unit....(let's all shake our heads together now..)
and around the corner walks my future husband...(duh)..he walks straight up to me, sticks out his hand and introduces himself. (See now, this seems like a normal thing for adults to do, but I am not normal, therefore; I am more accustomed to being a few cocktails deep before mustering up the liquid courage to bat eyelashes and make small talk...) either way..it happened..and again..i liked it.
So, being the creep I am, I go on facebook that night (damn you, facebook) find the guy...and ask him to be my friend..... who does this? ME...I do this. Well, he accepts, and sends me a message (!!!!)
it was as magical as winning the golden ticket to willy wonka's chocolate factory...
We eventually exchange phone numbers and begin doing the ultimate DO NOT DO before the first date....TEXT ALL DAY EVERY DAY!!
( listen here lady friends, i may know nothing about dating...i may be single forever....but i do know that texting all of your stuff before going out with a guy is a recipe for failure...
why?!?! why you ask?? because what fun is it to meet for a date when you already know everything about someone...sure it makes you feel more relaxed...sure..you like the fact that y'all have been text flirting and you've successfully stalked his entire facebook profile and any potential ex's and his mom's facebook too...but unfortunately doing that gives you a false perception of closeness...And this here false perception will then lead to the next DO NOT DO....have sex on the first date!! Just don't do it....do not text more than absolutely necessary. Do not tell him about your day and your breakfast and what your cat said to you that made you laugh...he doesn't need to know all of that yet...because he is a stranger. so, slow dowwwn...)
we make plans to go out for dinner and drinks on friday night and, suprisingly, the date goes seamlessly perfect. we laugh the entire time over dinner, realize we have a thing or two in common, make out. It was great...I left feeling even more giddy than before.
the next week he asks me to go out with him and some of his friends for a few drinks..this is huge. meeting a guy's friends is the best indicator of what this guy is all about...and let me tell you now...i learned a lot about what this guy is all about.
I walk into the bar where a group of 8 or so people (guys and girls) are hanging out on a patio. Immediately i can feel the awkward tension and the uncomfortable feeling of eight pairs of eyes staring at me...worst feeling ever.
He begins introducing people to me and going around the table informing me of who is who.."that's so and so and his girlfriend, and this is blah blah and his fiance and that...well that is the girl i've had a really big crush on, I used to like her a lot...." and i'm all like...
i mean seriously....(red flag again!)...uncomfortable...but I just go with it...drink my beer...smile...
THEN...his friend looks at me and says "did you know that <redacted> lost his virginity 3 weeks ago?"
(if i could go back and redo this scenario I would have left..not because home boy was just called out on maybe or maybe not losing his virginity 3 weeks ago, but because I was sitting at a table with a bunch of people who I don't know who were laughing at me basically and no one, most importantly the guy, felt the need to include me. but you know what, i didn't do that...because i am polite...and possibly stupid.)
we eventyally go back to his place with a few friends and the moment i get him alone i ask him about that comment. "oh well my friends were just giving me shit for loosing my virginity a year and a half ago.." (i literally felt my stomach drop...A YEAR AND A HALF AGO...wow! impressive..unusual...i must find out more information..)
"oohh wow...so wait, how many people have you slept with?" (why oh why did this question come out of my mouth....)
"you were 11" (ELEVEN!!!!!!!!! ELEVEN!!!!!!!!! IN A YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????)
"eleven....wow.."
"well, i didn't say i was proud of it...they were all drunk one night stands...they were cute and wanted to"
(go ahead and re-read that last sentence....read it again...and take a moment of silence to digest what this guy said to me....they were drunk and wanted to? wow...)
the conversation goes on and he begins to pick me apart (obviously a defense mechanism because i just called him out on being a slutty virgin with wish-washy morals....and i am awesome so i don't know how we could find anything bad to say about me...)
He mentions to me that the week before my bra and panties didn't match, then he discovers that I have tattoos and goes on to say "what does it say..insert here?"...he puts down my major claiming that it is easy which is why i am able to get an A, and then he says oh and i noticed that your car smells like smoke...(granted, this all was said over a course of a conversation...not just blatant put-down after put-down)
ha. ha. ha.
my insides literally hurt. my ego hurt. my feelings hurt. my awesome dream-land fantasy of our future together was shattered....it was a bad, bad feeling. I knew then that this wasn't going to go anywhere. How could it? He was shallow and mean..and I had already invested feelings and hopes...such an amateur move. I left in shock, I remained in shock for quite some time...I told, and re-told the story to as many girlfriends that would listen. I declared that I would never go on another date again...but I got over that...and with any and all situations you have to find the silver-lining...how else will we single girls make it out alive?
so with that fluff...
What I took away from this experience is that:
A. you shouldn't text and facebook stalk a guy before a first date
B. you shouldn't get physical on the first date
C. you shouldn't have day dreams of grocery shopping and picking out wedding registry loot from william and sonoma with a guy you don't have a relationship with yet
D. someone needs to inform guys that us busy woman don't always have the time to match our bra and panties (seriously?!)
E. don't ever, ever, under any circumstances hang out with a guy who puts you down, judges you, and makes you feel sad about who you are..ever.
-Riss
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